The WEIGHT of the WAIT

No matter where you are in life, the reality is that you're probably waiting on God for something. Whether you are waiting for that job, that dream home, that God-ordained husband, children, whatever it may be, you're just waiting on the promises of God to be fulfilled in your life. The thing about waiting is that most times there is a direct conflict between what you see and what God said, and that gray area can be daunting.

In the beginning when it's only been a few days of asking and believing God, you're like "ok God, I trust you!" Then weeks start to go by and you're like "ok God... I trust you." Weeks turn into months, and your tone begins to change and you're like "ok God, what's going on?" Oh and please don't let those months turn into years because then you're like "God, do you even hear me, are you even listening?" In each of these transitions, the burden becomes heavier and heavier to bear. Nobody ever told me how heavy the burden of waiting could be. It weighs on you in a way that makes it seem impossible to continue on, in a way that makes it seem like you're never going to see the promises of God fulfilled in your life. The WEIGHT of the WAIT is HEAVYYYYYYYYYYYYY. It's a weight, a burden that I wouldn't wish on anybody. It does NOT feel good at all, but I personally had no idea of how to rid of it.

I don't know about you, but on my fertility journey, I used to (still do) hear things like "Make sure you're waiting well." Or how about "Just don't think about it, it will happen." Oh this was the best (in my most sarcastic voice), "Just don't worry about it, in God's timing it will happen." I'm sorry whatttttttttttt?? That one just made the weight heavier if I'm honest. I'm here struggling in the wait and that's the best advice you can give? While they mean well, the problem with that encouragement is that they always tell you the "what," but they never tell you the "how," so instead of helping you, they're just adding more to that weight. If you're not careful, that burden can take you into a dark place, and that's exactly what happened to me. I couldn't even articulate the place that I was in, nor did I know how to get out of this tormenting place. (Man, I really want to dive into that, but we will keep that for another day.) People are so quick to tell you that God won’t give you more than you can bear, which isn’t true at all. And if it was, then why the heck does this feel like it’s too much. I’ve been asking and kept on asking, I’ve been seeking and kept on seeking, I’ve been knocking and kept on knocking. (Matthew 7:7-8 AMP) God this is too much!!!!

It wasn’t until my loss in 2019 that God showed me why it felt like too much. I was in prayer and I said to God, “Lord, we can talk about everything, BUT this!” And His response to me was, “And that’s the problem. I want to know how you feel, I want to know about your anger, I want to know about your frustration, I want to know how much it hurts.” And of course me and my stubborn self tears and all, gonna say “BUT YOU ALREADY KNOW!” He tugged me to say “it’s okay, I still want to know from you.” And I proceeded to pour out my heart, the “hidden” thoughts of my heart, the ugly parts, because I just couldn’t even carry it any longer. I remember after literally venting to God, I took a deep breath and just sat there as I felt the love of God surround me. It felt so good, I felt so much better. There was a release, an intimate exchange between My Father and I. What He taught me firsthand that night was that although He already knows, He desires to hear from us, He desires to commune with us. Just like with any other relationship, we want the person to talk to us and tell us how they feel because unlike God we aren’t mind readers. Well as we make room for others to share with us, there's an invitation from God, He wants to know how we REALLY feel. He is waiting with open arms to receive you AND all of your emotions.

You see, the reason why the weight becomes so heavy is because it wasn’t intended for us to carry in the first place. God will put us in situations where He gives us more than we can carry because He wants us to rely on Him, depend on Him, come to Him, and cast our cares upon Him for He cares for us. (1 Peter 5:7) He does't want us to do life on our own or in our own strength. The problem is we don’t do what the verse before that says: Humble ourselves before God. (1 Peter 5:6) We, especially as a woman, try to DO IT ALL, when that was not God’s intent. If we could do it all, there would be no need for our sovereign, loving God. It is our responsibility to take it back to Him and leave it there. It’s our responsibility to give it to God and then partner with the Holy Spirit, so that He can empower us on the waiting journey. I want to reiterate this, when we go to God, authentically, when we go to God in our TRUTH, not in the mask that we show everyone else, but when we humble ourselves before our Father and pour our heart out to Him there is an intimate exchange that takes place. As you give God your heart, He gives you His heart. As you give God your weakness, He gives you His strength. As you give Him your burden, He gives you rest. He says in His Word “My yoke is easy and burden is light.” (Matthew 11:29)

Now, I’m not going to sit here and say that any of this was easy and that after that night I was completely free from the WEIGHT of the wait because I’d be lying. It took time for me to get to a place where the burden of waiting wasn’t weighing heavily on me. And I’m going to tell you how because I don’t want to be that person I talked about earlier who tells you to do something but won’t tell you how. Everyone’s process will be different, but here are some practical ways to get freedom from the heaviness of your waiting season:

1- Be honest with yourself and with God about how you’re truly feeling while you are waiting. Tell God the truth, don’t hide behind if. If you’re angry let Him know, if you’re frustrated/sad/hurt, let Him know. This part was hard because I deeply honor and respect God, yet the things that i was thinking/feeling were so dark at times that I felt ashamed to share it with Him. Don’t worry about that part, God can handle your truth! Lay it alllllllllll out.

2- Journal or even record your thoughts and feelings. Prayer doesn’t always look like being on your knees or at an altar. Prayer is merely communication between you and your Father. The days when you don’t feel like you can pray as usual just begin to write down or talk out what feelings come up for you in that moment. The biggest mistake I made was not communicating with God at all. The feelings would just build on top of one another until I felt like I was ready to explode. Don’t be like me, communicate with God. There were times when I would just sit and record myself talking or singing and I would feel the same release as if I were “praying as usual.”

3- Don’t give up! After you feel that release for the first few times, don’t stop taking the matter back to God. Do it as often as you can because you’ll find out like I did that each time something else would come up. Another feeling, another thought, one that I believed I already released would resurface and I had to release it to God again. By continually going back, you are actively receiving an impartation of strength, wisdom, love, peace, and so much more for your journey from the Father. So keep going.

4-Meditate of the Word of God, even when you don’t feel like it. I shared a few scriptures throughout this blog. Matthew 7:7-8 ; 1 Peter 5:6; Matthew 11:29. The Word of God will sustain you during this season. As you’re meditating, ask God what it truly means to cast your cares upon Him. Ask God how the scripture you’re reading pertains to you in this season. When all else fails hide the Word of God in your heart, His Word will never fail.

5-Leave it there, don’t pick it back up. This was another hard one because you can easily pour your heart out to God, but then pick the worry, anxiety, frustration right back up and take it back on after God just gave you peace. Cast means to literally throw forcefully. When you throw something away from you, you have to put energy into going to get that things back because you threw it away in the opposite direction. Same here as you cast your cares upon God, don’t go back to pick it up trying to figure out the how, the why, the when. No, cast it and leave it. You’ll have to actively remind yourself (and the enemy) that it’s not yours to carry any more. And when you feel yourself starting to take it back, just go back to doing the things mentioned here.

It’s a process, give yourself grace as you are going through this journey. Waiting can be hard, but it doesn’t have to be. Should I say it again for the people in the back? Yes? Ok, waiting CAN BE HARD, but it DOESN’T HAVE TO BE HARD. God is doing a new thing, a great thing in you on this waiting journey, do you not perceive it? (Isaiah 43:19) I know that right now it may be hard to see it, but I promise there are great things in store for you. Better yet, God has promised great things for you, in His Word and personally!

I love y’all. Until next time.

-Tiffani